Note: This is mostly intended as a joke.
Me: Hasbro is planning to release a new Super Soaker, known as the "Lightning Storm", which is being marketed as having the "Highest capacity of any Super Soaker", with a one liter interchangeable drum mag reservoir. How does that make you feel?
CPS 2700: Pissed off. Holy [Bleep], can't us old-timers (11 years is old for a water gun!) ever get any respect!? I can carry 4 times that amount in my reservoir, and almost that much in my pressure chamber! I've fought in wars where I've had a [Bleep]ing liter coming at me from a single shot! These kids these days with their baby nozzles, their reservoirs which hold less water than my PC, and their God[Bleep] attitude towards us veterans!
Me: So how well do you think they could handle a full-scale war?
CPS 2700: They'd probably die before even getting a shot. When I was young, everyone was obsessed with size, power, and fighting. Sure, there were a few oddballs, like the XP Backfire, and my brother's [CPS 1700] [Bleep]ed up cousin, the CPS 1-3-5 (A disgrace to the family!), but most of us were big and strong, unlike these kids nowadays, who only care about looks, and have never experienced a real water war. [Bleep], I've lost my nozzle ornament, had my sticker mostly ripped off, and suffered countless scratches and falls, including that time when you dropped me after tripping over that stick (Amateur...)! And I couldn't care less! As long as I can still get the job done.
Me: Hey! That could happen to anyone. Aren't you glad you didn't end up like your little brother? Anyway, it's obvious that the new Super Soakers don't live up to the standards set by your forebearers, but it's been that way for a while. What would you think is the best way to bring honor back to Super Soaker?
CPS 2700: Well, I'd start by trying to introduce the concept of "Sheer power!" again. Before my time, everyone wanted to be more and more powerful, with each new generation upstaging the last. Back then, the SS 300 and it's son, the XP 300 were thought to be as powerful as you could get. But then came my grandfather, the CPS 2000, who changed everyone's idea of power. But from there, it started to go downhill. My father's [CPS 2500] generation was legendary (I tip my nozzle to them.), known for having excellent blasters that could handle themselves in virtually any fight. But they weren't as powerful as the 2000. Then came my line, which was much the same, but downscaled slightly. I am ashamed to admit that I got the biggest power decrease (But I still have a much larger single-piece reservoir than anyone else.). The thinking turned more towards size than power (See my gigantic cousins, the Monster series.). After that, things started to really plummet. '02 was the last year of my bloodline, as well as the introduction of the Max-D series, which ushered in a new wave of weaker, more fragile blasters. Even the "Bigger is better" concept got trashed, and now all young blasters care about, is looking cool and having a better "Special feature" (Special my [Bleep]!) than everyone else! I long to see power being the main thing behind everyone's thinking.
Me: Yes, things certainly aren't what they used to be, but what do you think of Buzz Bee Toys' effort? They seem to be trying to make battle-worthy blasters, even though they don't quite live up to the standards set 14 years ago.
CPS 2700: Although BBT is Super Soaker's main competion, and most of the new guys hate to talk about them, I have to applaud their effort (And I don't give a [Bleep] what anyone thinks of me!!!). However, I think they could do a little better. I know they've been [Bleep]ing sued, and they can't replicate my fine PC, but air pressure does have potental. Just look at the SS and XP 300.
Me: So do you think things will ever change?
CPS 2700: Possibly. If only we could get some publicity. Like maybe a Youtube movie of me kicking a new Super Soaker's [Bleep]! I like the idea of that.
Me: Yes, I would like to work on that. Thanks for offering your opinions on these problems.
CPS 2700: No problem. Give my regards to everyone, and leave me alone. I need to rest; all this apocalyptic talk gets to my PC.
I hope you enjoyed that. Oh, and my 2700 gives it's regards.
~SEAL
